Rejection Is Bitter
by The Dark Narcissus
Summary: Bill Kaulitz has a secret, he's gay, but when he finally gatheres the courage to tell Tom, he gets the worst reaction ever will Bill be able to regain his relationship with tom or would Tom's hatred cause a tragedy? rated M for language and suicid
1. Chapter 1

Rejection Is Bitter

Staring outside his window, he watched as the rain gently washed the leaves of the Ash tree near his bedroom window, but he was too troubled to care.

The secret inside him was too much; he didn't mind keeping his identity from the world. But having Tom oblivious to his sexuality, made Bill avoid Tom as much as possible, but this can't be anymore, every second passes by, they drift further from each other. Swallowing the lump in his throat he made a decision, this was the day, he will tell Tom all about it, and deep inside, he knew Tom loved him enough to accept him.

He got up, walking slowly toward the door, it was so hard for him, his fear from rejection, increasing by second, and he kept calming himself down "Tom loves me"…….he breathed deeply "despite everything"

He got to Tom's room, and even thought they never knocked when entering each other's rooms, Bill knocked.

-Who is it? Came Tom's far yell, Bill could hear the water stream running.

-It's me….Bill.

He said in a scared, nervous voice.

-Come in, I'll be out in a second.

Shakily, Bill's hand twisted the handle, and he got into Tom's room, watching the walls, filled with posters of Sammy Deluxe, and Aerosmith, He sat at the edge of the bed, placing his hands between his thighs so they would stop trembling.

Biting his lip, Bill waited as he heard the water stream go off, and Tom comes out the shower minutes later, with a giant towel around his heavy dreads, and another towel around his delicate waist.

-Hey, I was going to ask you if you'd like to hang out sometime, it's been a while ya know.

Tom took a baggy sweatpants and some underwear from the drawer, and changed, as he waited for Bill's answer, he finished changing and threw himself on his bed next to Bill poking him in the arm.

-Feeling a bit emo today? Baby bro?

Tom joked, obviously noticing how Bill was unusually quite.

-I wanted to…………to tell you something important.

-aha!

Tom took a bag of chips, and started eating, obviously not paying enough attention to Bill.

-Tom! This is important!

Tom dropped everything from his hand; he knew that tone meant Bill is this close to kick his ass if he didn't pay attention.

Bill sighed gathering up some courage, and ignoring the sickness in his stomach.

-I'm going to tell you something important about me, but would you promise that you'll always love me?

Tom looked at Bill in confusion; he took Bill's hand into his, and pressed it gently affirming his feelings toward Bill, without any need to say a word.

-I'm gay Tom, I like guys. Do you know Hanz? The guy in our school? I have a crush on him!

After a moment of silence came Tom's answer;

-Bill, joking was never your thing, I'm sorry but that's just lame.

Tom laughed grabbing his chips again, and proceeding to eat.

-Tom! I'm serious, Bill said snatching the chips from Tom's fingers and tossing it across the room, this wasn't a joke.

Bill waited for Tom's reaction on the topic, but his heart, broke when Tom made a face……

-So you're a butt-fucking fag who's gonna catch AIDS soon? What the fuck is wrong with you? You're so sick!

Tom couldn't believe it, his brother, Billa was gay! How didn't he notice? How stupid of him not to notice! Everybody noticed! He looked like a subtle drag queen for fuck's sake! But Tom thought that Bill's sexuality will put an end to their close relationship…….he wasn't mistaken.

Bill didn't know what to answer, Tom's tone was harsher than anything else, the look of disgust and loath on Tom's face, threatened that Bill might have lost himself a brother….a soul mate.

-Please Tom don't be like that, I….I really am still the same Bill you know, I just….don't like girls.

Bill's eyes willed up with tears, as he saw the anger rising in his twin's expressions.

He pleaded him for acceptance, but Tom nevertheless, treated him with disdain that shattered Bill's heart, into many, many pieces.

-Out! Get out! I don't wanna talk to you or see you again, get out of my room!

Tom yelled as he threw random items from his nightstand on Bill, who ran out the door, but before closing it, he turned around to look Tom in the eyes, although his sight was blurry, because of the hot tears filling his eyes.

-You're no longer my brother Bill.

Tom said, slowly, clearly, and with pure resentment, as he gave his twin, his other half, a cold, emotionless look.

Bill ran to his room, locked the door, and fell on the floor crying, was it really worth it? To lose Tom because of who he likes? Bill was angry, because he didn't know who to blame for this, should he blame Tom for being so shallow, should he blame himself for telling Tom, he never knew, he laid there on the floor, his eyes burning from crying so much.

A few hours later, Bill stopped crying, not because he felt better, but because his swollen eyes, couldn't possibly produce any more tears, so he just laid there, slowly, but inevitably drowning into his misery.

Dear diary;

Today I told Tom, he said he never wanted to see me again, but I know he still love me, he's Tomi he can never hate me! I'm his Billa!

Anyway, I decided to get him to start talking to me again, I'll do whatever it takes, I know I can convince him…..i love him, and I miss his dirty jokes, and his perfection, and his vain because of his perfection, for every time I look at one of our pictures together, and see him hugging me smiling, I'll fight just to see him smiling at me again.

Yours truly

Bill Kaulitz.

The next day Bill was ready to start his "regaining Tom" movement.

After he woke up, he went straight to Tom's room, opening the door, he saw Tom naked changing, but he didn't notice Bill because he had his back to the door, and the loud rap music coming from his laptop, prevented him from hearing his own thoughts.

After he put on his LA cap, he turned around, to face the brother he no longer acknowledged, with hate-filled eyes he picked up his bag and walked pass Bill, hitting him with his shoulder, Bill fell to the ground, and watched as Tom walked pass him and down the stairs.

He sighed and got up, time for plan-B

He got his cell phone and texted Tom, Please Tomi don't do this, I need you! Let's be brothers again!

After few minutes his phone rang,

1 new SMS:

"fuck you"

Bill knew he's going to be alone for quite a while, he pulled his wallet out of his tight pocket, and pulled a picture of him and Tom, they were at their grandma's when they took it, Bill was sitting in Tom's lap, because Tom loved it, Bill sighed knowing that he might never get to sit in Tom's lap again.

So people, tell me what you think, and if you have time to read my stories, then you have time to review, it won't take more than mere seconds, but it really make my day! And let us not forget more reviews faster updates ;)


	2. Chapter 2

The waitress came and brought forth coffee and some cake for the troubled looking teen; he thanked her and forced a smile nevertheless.

The raven haired youth kept looking at the window as if waiting for someone to come in this heavy rain, it wasn't like that when he first got here, but the rain suddenly got heavier, and now he doubts that his friend will show up, he was about to leave his food and get home, when the doorbell rang announcing a new costumer, a bleach blonde friendly young man who smiled warmly at him before sliding in the booth and greeting his childhood best friend.

-So?

The blonde asked excitedly, but his face dropped when he saw how troubled the other boy looked.

-Oh God no…Bill…

-Yep…he surely hates me now!

Bill laughed bitterly, with the most sardonic smile he could muster, he had promised himself not to cry, Tom had called him a pussy, a crybaby, and other things and he wanted to prove him wrong at all costs.

-How bad did he receive it?

-Well…

Bill looked at Andreas with all the humor he could muster.

-He first called me names, then said he doesn't know me and we're not brothers anymore, then called me more names, and today in school I found death threats **and** rape threats in my locker…he cares though, he's lying.

-I don't know Bill…he is pretty homophobic...

-No! You see he might be a homophobe, but he would never kill me, nonetheless rape me.

Bill whispered the last words so quietly that only Andreas could hear.

-He wrote the threats! The idiot thinks I can't tell his handwriting? He's the only fool in school who writes his M's and N's like W's and U's. Can't you see what he's doing? He's trying to scare me back to heterosexuality!

-Do you think Tom is that stupid?

-When he's being irrational, but this means that he cares, and you know what? If he'll try to cure me from being gay, I'll try to cure him from homophobia.

-…Aha.

The waitress came and took Andreas's order and hurried away after giving Bill a coffee refill, the two boys chattered away the rest of the afternoon with school talk.

…

In his room, Tom was holding his guitar and mindlessly strumming away on strings that he hadn't bothered to tune, all he could think about is how his brother has turned into a faggot, he could see it clearly now:

When Bill graduates high school, he'll probably move to San Francisco, and get a fuck buddy, he'll always be a bottom, and go shopping with girls, he might turn into a drag queen or even get a sex change…he'll loyally attend every gay parade dressed as a fairy, and wouldn't mind not seeing Tom for the rest of his life.

Tom couldn't help but feel a little guilty, Bill did try to reach out and keep the relationship, but he pushed this idea to the back of his mind, Bill knew that he hated fags yet he became one, homosexuality is wrong, everyone knows that…right?

Tom couldn't help but feel outnumbered with imaginary enemies in a made up war, he grabbed a coat and his car keys. He would head to the only place where he knew he'll find support.

Tom remembered how once his priest kept talking about how evil gays were, and how God hated them and they hated Him. He was never much of a religious person, but he did work with the motto "My enemy's enemy is my friend."

He entered the big hall and smiled at the colorful windows, when he was a child, he and Bill would stay here and stare at the colorful shadows the windows casted…Tom grimaced at the thought of Bill.

"Tom Kaulitz! My child! I haven't seen you in years! I'm glad you found your way back to church, where is your brother though? I thought you two were psychologically Siamese."

The priest always told jokes as far as Tom remembered, though he had forgotten how lame they were.

"uh…yeah I wanted to talk to you about that."

"Speak child…"

Tom has always thought father Ryan a fundamentalist idiot, and he had made it no secret to grudge him in public, yet the man seem to hold on to his façade of love and forgiveness, and now, Tom might for once find an ally in the old fool.

"You see, Bill and I were as close as ever until yesterday because we fought, is that OK?"

"NO! Child fighting the devil is one thing, but fighting your brother is unforgivable! Please go and ask forgiveness of your brother, just remember how close you two are! Don't ruin it with childish quarrels! Let me guess, a girl?"

"I wish!"

"By heaven tell me why you fought!"

"He told me he…he said he's gay"

Tom looked at his feet as father Ryan remained silent for a moment, but his face contorted hideously…

"And you fought because you disagreed?"

Now his tone sounded less trained and calm and more victorious and joyous…ironically gay too.

Tom nodded, looking down and biting his lips…maybe he shouldn't spread the news without Bill's consent.

"Child, you've done the right thing. Homosexuals are possessed by Satan, they've rejected the grace of God and turned and insulted the bodies he gave him with unnatural usage, they have deserted the true ways of love and went for their own perverted carnal lust, and they are damned souls if they truly had any souls…"

It might have been anywhere between five minutes to three hours, but father Ryan didn't shut up, and Tom seemed to grow weary, his brain told him that this is the truth, while his heart rolled its eyes at the shallowness and childishness.

"So stupid…"

"What, child?" Father Ryan asked confused.

"I…I have to go"

Father Ryan grabbed Tom's arm and forced him to face him.

"Don't forget what I told you."

Tom turned and started walking away, the rain has ceased and he knew Bill is probably back home, he drove to a nearby park, because he didn't feel like seeing Bill.

There were children playing, laughing, and some crying, there were parents chatting and smiling, there were elderly couples walking away their high cholesterol, some teens and older kids riding bikes, and some ladies walking their dogs or reading books under tree shades. It was a lovely environment, everything was friendly, the trees were greenish and the grass, freshly washed by the rain smelled good, the sun was setting now but the orange rays provided beautiful lights, the swings…Tom would've had the courage to get in one if they were vacant, but the younger kids had more rights to use them than he…but bitterly he couldn't help but remember when he and Bill were kids: when boys were but friends and girls had cooties, when the world revolved around them and they spent every day laughing, when they would jokingly pretend to get marry and mean nothing by it, when they could kiss each other's pain away, when they were each other's mother more than their own mother, when they told each other everything first, when the biggest fight they could have was over toys…when they were too young to fuck up their lives and their relationship. Suddenly Tom was not just angry at Bill for being gay, but also for ruining their relationship. They've been so close…and now Tom can't possibly imagine holding Bill, or hugging him, or cuddling with him, or kissing him, Oh God he must've gotten a kick out of that, the sick bastard! He sure did! Tom decided to focus on the anger towards Bill and ignore the little feeble voice in his head asking accusingly: Why was he going to miss Bill's hugs and kisses and cuddles of all things? No, that's stupid! He wasn't a faggot! Bill has only been out the closet for a day, and he's already fucking with his head…that whore!

Anger surged through the blonde teen as a new thought came to him…How long has Bill been a faggot? He'd heard that gays act like women, and Bill has been wearing make up for a very long time…did he hide his ugly, true self from Tom all this time?

"Excuse me, but are you OK?"

Tom looked up to see a concerned looking old lady in a wheelchair. She smiled at him and lifted his chin.

"Um yeah, why would I not be?"

And Tom realized how hoarse his voice was, yes, Tom Kaulitz the thug, was crying in a public park.

"I…I need to go."

He left deciding whatever dignity he has left, he'll keep for himself. Staying away from Bill only made him angrier, that faggot with his sick twisted ways…how dare he ruin their lives?

Tom slammed the front door behind him and hurried to his room, jogged to the bathroom, and ran himself a scolding hot shower. He scrubbed away every touch of Bill, touches he thought innocent, but God knows what dwells in the mind of a faggot.

I haven't updated for over a year, yes I suck! Anyway, this is a bit of harsh topic, and I didn't write it to offend any religion, notice that when talking, father Ryan didn't quote anything, he just kept talking. Most homophobes don't know the reason behind their hatred, perhaps they are gay themselves and refuse to admit it, perhaps their fundamentalist elders had brainwashed them, or maybe it is just more socially accepted to be homophobic. This story is meant to deliver a theme while entertaining, I have the plot written down but I noticed how flexible the topic is, so if you have any suggestions, characters you want to see, or issues you want to read about in this story, just write me, and I'll make sure to include it. I probably have the best readers in the world seeing that I'm still getting reviews even after a year and four months of no updating, so for that, I love and adore you! XOXO


	3. Chapter 3

When he was out of the shower, Tom wrapped himself in towels and hurried out the bathroom before passing out from all the steam. And that's when he noticed Bill sitting in his chair and looking nervous.

Without uttering a word, Tom rushed to open the door, only to find it locked, and the key was taken out. Filled with rage he started towards his brother and pointed a finger at him angrily

"Do you fucker just want me to beat you straight or something?"

"You won't dare."

Bill's confidence was shocking, and his calmness angered Tom even more, but when he tried to punch him, he realized that he can't get himself to do it, it's like his body is programmed to not do certain things, and hurting Bill is an example.

"What do you want faggot?"

"All I want is a chance to explain myself without interruption."

Tom was sick and tired of this entire gay apology, how dare he think he can fix what he destroyed with few words? Or is he trying to brainwash Tom into turning gay? Tom decided that he was too smart to fall for Bill's sissy words…

"You have five minutes, I have better things to do than listen to your rant."

Tom's voice was so cold and distant even he was shocked, Bill sighed sadly and took a deep breath wondering how to start…

"Tom, this is why I never wanted to tell you, because I feared this kind of reaction, and now you've gone and done it. You hate me for the stupidest of reasons, I might be gay, but I'm still a virgin, and I'm waiting for Mr. right, you on the other hand are a free gigolo and yet you're angry at me for _my_ sexual choices? You're in no place to blame me. I love you just as ever, and I don't want this to ruin our relationship so why do you have to make things so hard when they don't have to be?"

Tom's frown faltered and for a second he was reconsidering his entire stand…was he overreacting?

"You're overreacting Tommi!"

Tom didn't know whether he shivered because Bill reading his mind made him uncomfortable, or because being called with a pet name by a gay guy made him uncomfortable, either way, he didn't like where this was going, but decided to stay and listen until Bill was finished, it's not like he was scared of what Bill had to say now. It took a while for Tom to convince himself that he wasn't scared.

"I wanted to tell you because I didn't want any secrets between us, and I knew you were homophobic and you've always talked against gay people, even Andreas told me that this is a bad idea, please Tom, don't prove him right! We're brothers, twins, and soul mates!"

Tom's world came crashing down on him; he successfully managed to ignore everything Bill has said and focus on the Andreas part: How dare he keep secrets between him and Andreas? Was this a twin relationship when he's the last to know? What right did Andreas had to know crucial facts before Tom? Bill truly has sold their brotherhood for the friendship with fags and fag shippers, and now he's accusing Tom of ruining their bond?

Anger surged through Tom like a spirit possessing his body, controlling him and using him as a tool for its own purposes, Tom felt distant from his body, and watched himself frown and flush angrily as his hands balled into fists and he charged at his brother with a fist and landed well on his eye.

_That'll teach him. _All Tom felt now is angry, and betrayed.

"So now you keep secrets from me with that other faggot, don't you?"

Another punch, this time to his stomach: Bill covered his face with both hands and didn't say anything; surely the faggot couldn't as much as defend himself.

"You think you can guilt trip me into thinking that I've ruined us, while you've been keeping secrets from _me?"_

This time it was a kick, his knee connected with Bill's groin, leaving the lanky boy sprawled on the floor, and clutching his body in pain.

"I can't wait until you get ganged raped, contract AIDS, die, and roast in hell forever!"

And with that Tom felt himself calmer…and realization crashed, Bill wasn't an evil demon or some gay brainwashing robot, he was merely a weak boy, battered and helpless, he tried to make amends with him, and he ended up beaten…by Tom. Just two days ago Tom wouldn't have hurt Bill for all the money in the world. He was about to reach out and help him up, but he was too proud, he ran to his bathroom and locked himself there instead, breathing, and not thinking.

….

"Who did it?"

Andreas all but yelled in frustration as he stared at the purple bruise getting covered with a heavy coat of foundation. Bill on the other hand looked calm, but sad, so sad it was heart breaking to see him like that.

"It was Zack, wasn't it? That douche bag has been an asshole since kinder garten."

Bill looked too weary to answer, but he ceased his professional makeup session to stare Andreas in the eyes.

"No, it wasn't Zack, now can you drop it? I won't tell you, because now you're being irrational."

Andreas huffed in exasperation, sometimes he couldn't believe what a Gandhi Bill can be.

"You're covering up for someone who'd beaten the shit out of you? Is that what it is? And I'm being irrational?...Ooh!"

Bill looked irritably at Andreas, with one eyebrows raised- and one eyes almost swollen.

"Ooh what? I didn't know you get epiphanies."

"You, are covering for Tom!"

Andreas said in an amused tone, the tone of a sneaky child that had found his Christmas present before time. Bill looked taken aback but he contained himself quickly, though not quickly enough for Andreas NOT to catch it.

"Why would I? He hates me, it just wasn't him."

"Oh the level of bullshit! Look me in the eye and tell me he didn't beat you yesterday."

Bill sighed and looked down defeated, he was never a good liar, so he had to get Andreas to promise him not to do anything crazy…one way or the other.

"Look, he was out of his mind OK? He just lost control for a moment we all…"

And before Bill got to finish his words Andreas was out of the boy's bathroom and down the hallway, he got to the cafeteria and saw the few groups having breakfast, it wasn't that hard to spot the once that are most likely to either sing rap or sell drugs. They all looked the same.

He tapped the blonde on the back, and as the laughing boy turned, he gave him the hardest slap he could muster with the back of his hand.

"Listen bitch! You don't touch Bill like that again, or I swear to God, regardless of how much he begs me to leave you alone, I _will_ cut off your dick and feed it to my dog."

And he walked out proudly knowing that Tom _and his friends_ were too shocked to react.


	4. Chapter 4

Tom was annoyed, he told himself he was bothered by the fact that he got backhanded by Andreas, but there was this voice in his head that kept nagging about one thing: Now Andreas is closer to Bill than you are, you're no longer no.1 in his life, and he chose the faggot's friendship over you.

Tom felt depressed, it was all too much, all the sudden he realized he isn't condition to function this way, he'd always had Bill to share half the worry, angst, blame, or whatever with; but now he's utterly alone and perhaps forever too. A shiver ran along his spine as he pushed this thought to the back of his mind: this was no time for backing off.

…

George Listing and Gustav Schafer were probably the biggest pricks in the entire school. They hated the vast majority of people, they were assholes, and they had levels of hatred to different groups. At the very top stand gays and teachers.

Tom was very much their type of guy, if it wasn't for Bill he might've become their friend, sure he's not a prick, but he was cool even in their standards, and he can always learn the art of being an asshole. Before, they've always been aggressive with Bill, which made Tom despise them, but now: things are different.

"Hey guys, what's up?"

Gustav gave Tom a sly smile and offered him a lighted cigarette.

"Nice to see ya Kaulitz."

He nodded at him.

"Say, I heard that you've been having a fight with your sweetheart, is that true?"

Tom snorted as he inhaled deeply with a smile.

"You know I never get myself one sweetheart, I like 'em quick"

The two shorter boys shared a look and gazed back at the dreadlocked head.

"He means your brother dumbass."

For a second there Tom felt severely sick, has he been showing the attitude of a boyfriend with Bill?

"Why would you call him my sweetheart?"

Gustav smirked while Georg couldn't compress a laugh.

"Dude, you cuddle during lunch, you hold hands, and you tell each other 'I love you' every five seconds!"

Tom looked down…that might've been accurate to a certain extent.

"Well anyway, I hate him now, he lied to me, he chose friends over a brother, and he's gay!"

Gustav raised his eyebrow and looked at Georg.

"I knew it!"

"We seriously need to teach the faggot a lesson."

Tom took a last drag from the cigarette before putting it away.

"I'm in, he was my twin once, but now he's just an abomination."

…

"I'm trying to figure out whether to impale you, hang you, or just decapitate your ass…"

"Oh listen to you!"

Andreas shoved a piece of grilled chicken in his mouth and chewed on it, annoyed.

"Just because he'd turned into a dick doesn't mean you have the right to hit Tomi…I still love him you know."

Bill mumbled the last part and his voice broke suddenly, it took a lot of effort not to cry and Andreas noticed that. He moved over and hugged his friend.

"I'm sorry that you have to go through this, you don't deserve this happening to you…I wish this had gone differently."

Bill collapsed then and broke into silent tears, Andreas felt him shake and heard his quite whimpers but no one else did, which they both were thankful for. Attention is the last thing they needed. Meanwhile in the other side of the cafeteria Tom watched as Andreas cradled Bill and comforted him, anger surged through Tom's body. Why was he jealous? Why is Bill replacing him with Andreas? They didn't even look right! Bill and Andreas just looked awkward while he and Tom were one, but the most angering thing was the fact that Tom cared, why couldn't he let go of the faggot?

"Dude! I just got an awesome idea!"

Tom tore his eyes away from the two guys in the back and focused his attention on Georg.

…

Bill rushed through the stream of students to his locker, he smiled to Lindsey who was a very nice girl in his history class, then he looked at his locker to see a banner hung on it: Beware, this faggot is probably HIV+ Bill rolled his eyes as these remarks never truly hurt him, but as he opened his locker a flood of sex toys fell all over him, different kinds, sizes, shapes, and purposes, but they all serve one goal. It was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to him. He stood there as people stared, whispered, laughed, and texted about this. Bill was all but happy.

He ran to the cafeteria and didn't find him, so he went to where his locker is and found Tom with Georg and Gustav, feeling the anger surge through him, Bill grabbed Tom by the arm and shoved him in the boys' bathroom locking the door behind him.

"And I'm the one who doesn't keep promises huh? Remember the guy who once promised that he'll protect his baby brother from anything and anyone? The guy who told his twin that nothing will stand between them? The guy who used to be the center of his brother's life, the pillar of his strength and the person he loved more than anyone could love? Yeah, well, congratulations, you've successfully killed that guy and turned him into a complete asshole…now that guy is **bullying **his baby brother."

Now tears were streaming freely from Bill's eyes as he spoke with difficulty. He reached out and ripped a locket off his neck and threw it at Tom's feet.

"You know what? Fine, let's have it your way. This is a game two can play, and you think you're so great? But now I know who my real friend is, while Andreas was there for me all the time…you of all people…"

He couldn't continue, so instead he just spat a "have a nice life" at Tom and ran away, all the way to the garage and got in his car. Meanwhile Tom bent down in shock and picked up the locket, he opened it to see his picture, with the words "My second half" scribbled on the back.


	5. Chapter 5

"Mom, can I spend the weekend at Andy's?"

"I thought you'd want to spend it with Tom like you always do?"

Bill shrank under his mom's intense gaze and looked away.

"Yeah but me and Andy almost never have sleepovers, can I go? Please?"

Simon just shrugged and nodded, that boy has always managed to control people with his puppy looks. With that Bill left happily with a green apple and a bottle of water.

Tom entered the kitchen looking for a soda and a bag of chips, pretending to have important things to do.

"Aren't you going too?"

Tom looked up from the fridge and gave his mom a questioning look.

"You know, with Bill. He's spending the weekend at Andy's"

"Uh…no I have plans for the weekend."

Simon became even more skeptical.

"And since when do you two make different plans?"

Tom just faked a charming smile and kissed his mother.

"I seriously think that both of us leaving you for the entire weekend will be too painful for you, that's why I made the sacrifice of staying."

While Simon was too busy laughing, Tom stalked out of the kitchen with anger rising in his stomach, who does that idiot of a brother think he is? He can't just go and replace him with Andreas! Who does Andreas think he is? The sense of betrayal struck Tom like dozen sharp knifes in the back, tearing away his trust and safety and forcing him to face the relics of what used to be his perfect life: A faggot brother who replaced him with some nerd.

Tom pushed open Bill's door angrily, and hissed at his brother who was staring blankly at a math assignment.

"You think you can do whatever you want huh? Your ass is not going anywhere this weekend, unless you want to go to church, repent, and then get yourself a woman. Hear me?"

Tom hissed every word through clenched teeth while Bill stared at him uninterestedly, and raised his eyebrow.

"Make me."

Tom smirked and closed the door behind him inching closer to Bill.

"You wanna fight me faggot? Huh? Do you seriously think you can win?"

Bill sighed and dropped his pencil dejectedly.

"No, I don't want to fight, I just want to finish my homework, now can you please let me be?"

"You are not going to Andreas's"

Bill sensed it, Tom was jealous.

"Why? He is the supportive brother you failed to be, I love him so much because he loves me no matter what."

That was all it took, Tom Kaulitz has never felt so miserable and angry and betrayed and furious in his life. Bill just said it; he replaced Tom with Andreas…

A punch flew on its own accord landing on Bill's jaw, throwing the boy off his chair.

"Take that back"

Tom demanded frantically.

A smile graced the assaulted face.

"Andreas would've never punched me. Ever"

Tom's foot sharply connected with Bill's ribcage, knocking the boy on his back this time. Bill was panting, a surge of fear ran through his eyes but he hid it well. Tom was crying, whether in anger or wretchedness, he didn't know.

"You're mine faggot."

He kicked Bill in the side.

"Andreas is protective, not possessive."

"STOP TALKING ABOUT FUCKING ANDREAS!"

Every word was emphasized with a sharp kick to whichever part of Bill was closer. Gordon and Simon rushed in the room upon hearing Tom's yells and were shocked by the sight. Gordon moved quickly and pulled Tom away then rushed to help Bill up while Simon was too startled to move. In their seventeen years, this is the first time that Tom has ever laid hand on Bill. Something must be wrong.

"Are you crazy? What's wrong with you?"

Gordon yelled angrily at Tom while Bill staggered to a chair.

"You don't understand, you don't have a twin."

Came calmly out of Tom's mouth before he turned away and slowly exited the room, Bill composed himself and rushed to his closet grabbing a small backpack.

"I'm going to Andreas'"

"Are you sure?"

Bill didn't answer; he just continued packing his pajamas and his laptop in the small bag.

…

Tom ran himself a bubble bath and sat there, when the candles were lit, the lights were dimmed, the music was soft, and the water warm and clean. He cried. Tom cried more than he ever did in his life. It was all over now, his parents think he's a violent, troubled kid, his twin doesn't need him anymore, and even what used to be his best friend has stole away the one person Tom lived for and disregarded Tom as if he was trash. Tom cried and cried and cried because he couldn't do anything. Bill will always be a faggot, Andreas will always be there for Bill, and he will always hate them both for it. If there was ever such a thing as rock bottom, Tom was a couple of feet underneath it by then.

He pulled the plug, walked out slowly, and wrapped himself in a towel. Walking to his room he saw Scotty, but the dog looked at him and shrugged carelessly as he walked away from Tom. This is not how it should've been, society was supposed to reject faggots, why is everyone against him? It was rather hard for Tom to believe that at this point he really didn't give a crap. He went for his bed and made a short prayer asking God to give him the grace of waking up in the past, or not waking up at all.

…

Bill was crying. He wrapped himself in Andreas's blanket and sobbed while his best friend held him close.

"The second time in a week…he beats me on daily bases now"

Andreas didn't know what to say, so he just rocked his friend back and forth.

"How stupid am I? I could've stayed in the closet and none of this shit would've happen…I…I miss him so much Andy, I feel like a big part of me is missing every time I walk past him and he frowns at me"

"I'm sorry about that sweetheart but don't blame yourself for who you are!"

"You know if I had the choice between this and the entire world population being homophobic while Tom accepts me I would choose Tom's acceptance…of all people Andy! Of all people"

Bill cried more, it was a despicable feeling. Tom hates him, is that the reality he wanted? If Tom didn't know he was gay, he could've had the world! In reality, Bill would rather have absolutely no love life as long as Tom is still a part of his existence, Bill felt utterly stupid.

No one slept that night, Tom felt so numb he couldn't feel anything, he was almost distant from his body floating in an alternative world of despair, Bill was in too much pain, and yet he only stayed awake because he felt useless and lonely, Andreas felt like he's destroying the best relationship he'd ever seen in his life and he didn't have much choice in the matter. Simon was just too distressed over her sons.


	6. Chapter 6

The birds chirped louder and louder until Tom couldn't take it anymore, he rolled off the bed and looked at his alarm clock: six in the morning. Usually, on any other similar weekend, he'd cuddle up with Bill and drift back in sleep, but today he didn't feel like sleeping…or doing anything for that matter.

He pulled himself out of the bed and let his legs drag him downstairs where he headed to the kitchen to eat away his misery. Tom opened the fridge to find no milk in there, so he left a note and headed to the store taking his jacket with him.

"Thank you, have a nice day!"

The cashier winked at Tom, he might've slept with her at some point in the past but that doesn't matter anymore. He walked down the pavement leading to his home where he found himself facing the park.

…

Tom sat underneath the giant oak, the golden leaves danced in the air and landed around him. The wind was cold but gentle on his face, and the sun hid shyly behind large, dark clouds.

Closing his eyes, the teen leaned back and took a deep breath. Suddenly the urge to cry returned but he fought it, and he did so well. Tom has singlehandedly destroyed his and Bill's lives.

He felt him. Bill was close, call it twin telepathy or whatever, he could sense if Bill's around and he was. A look to the left and he saw a slender figure dressed in sweats with his hair down and unkempt. Bill was sitting on a swing and barely moving, with a pen and a notebook in his hands. He looked like a hobo and his appearance made Tom's stomach churn.

Call it sympathy, call it forgiveness, but a small voice in the back of Tom's heart urged him to go to Bill and comfort him. _It's your job._ The voice nagged continuously. Huffing, Tom took a shaking breath and made his way to the boy sitting in the swing.

"I give up"

Bill sniffled even before Tom came up from behind him.

Startled Tom cleared his throat to announce his presence.

"I can't do it anymore."

Tom walked carefully behind Bill and started to rock him gently on the swing.

"Can't do what?"

Tom asked softly, his voice was coarse and sounded of despair, but it certainly wasn't as heartbreaking as Bill's.

"This, us, me, It's just…I can't live a lie, and I can't live without you, and if I had to choose, I think death isn't that bad of an idea."

Tom's stomach made a flip. The bad kind of flips, he never had a particular love for the topic of death, and especially when it included him or Bill.

"Listen…I'm sorry about yesterday."

Bill drew a shaky breath and wiped away a stray tear.

"All my life I thought I was invincible. I didn't need anything but you, and you always told me that you got me; that you'll never let anyone hurt me. Every day of all my life, I grew up thinking I didn't even need to protect myself because I had my 'Tomi' and then you go and…"

Bill's voiced broke but he refused to sob. So they both sat there in awkward silence. Tom tried to put his hand on Bill's shoulder but it was shrugged off dejectedly.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to get so"

"Just forget it."

And with that Bill was off the swing and he walked away. However Tom grabbed him and pulled him back to face him.

"What? You want another go? Come on! Hit me! Beat me for fuck's sake. It's nothing you haven't done before."

Tom dropped Bill's arm as if it burnt him. "I'm not the one who sold our brotherhood for dicks and secrets."

And with that he left calmly.


	7. Chapter 7

It was a tall and impressive building. One that Tom has been frequenting more than ever recently. The church stood proudly in the middle of the old street, and in front of it, stood a teen that looked like a lost puppy. Tom took a deep breath, and entered.

Walking down the aisle, Tom could see a figure talking to the old lady that plays the organ. When the figure turned and faced him a smile graced his face. Father Ryan welcomed Tom with a fatherly embrace and led him to a pew where they could sit and talk.

The elder man urged the teen to take a seat while he smiled and sat close by.

"Hello son, how have you been?"

"I want you to help me. I need Bill to get back the way he was before."

Tom knew there was no sense in what he just said. Perhaps that's why he thought this man could help him.

"I'm glad to see you worried about your brother's eternity. That's what a good brother would do."

Tom smiled a faint and hopeful smile. Maybe he is a good brother after all.

"At this point, I believe the best thing to do is tell your parents. I'm sure they're a God fearing couple and they can surely get your brother some much needed help."

Tom pondered for a second. He can tell their parents but would that be a good idea? Their family has never discussed its views on homosexuality, and they never had any gay friends. What if his parents turned out to be extremists and decided to kick Bill out? What if they didn't do anything and Tom became the family outcast? Would telling his parents be considered a betrayal? Tom started feeling his head throbbing. He couldn't come up with any good endings to this scenario.

"I don't think this is a good idea…I'm practically selling out my brother."

Father Ryan smiled affectionately and shook his head.

"Don't think of it as unfaithfulness, think of it as offering help. After all, if you didn't love him, you wouldn't have cared so much! Your parents are the only people with the ability to take your brother to people who can help him out of sin!"

Tom sighed sadly and thanked father Ryan as he existed the church. He had promised the man to think about it, and of course, to pray.

The teen with the long, golden dreadlocks walked across the street zipping up his jacket as the chilling wind hit him violently. He reached his hand to his neck and pulled a small locket, it had Bill's picture and _"My second half"_ engraved. It was their twin lockets that they exchanged years ago. Tom never took his off, even after the fights with Bill. That's when it hit him, Bill threw his the moment they had that little fight at school. Tom closed his eyes remembering how years ago they pledged never to take it off. It was more than a locket, it was a symbol. It stood for how they can never truly be apart, just thinking of how Bill flung it like it was dirt made Tom's heart ache.

He made a decision. Being gay didn't only change Bill's sexuality, but it made him a different person, and not a better person.

…

"Mom, Gordon, I have something important to say…"

Simone pretended not to hear Tom while Gordon frowned at him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, really, just the fact that you _battered_ your baby brother yesterday."

"Listen to me now would you? OK, I know I screwed up yesterday but can you at least listen to me? Bill needs your help."

The couple sighed simultaneously and looked at their elder child.

"Bill is…gay"

Simone looked at Gordon then back at Tom as if this was some kind of a joke.

"Seriously, He's a homo mom! He told me!"

Gordon couldn't help but chuckle loudly, which broke Simone down in laughter too.

"What the hell? Why are you laughing? This isn't funny!"

Simone drew a breath and looked at her son.

"Tomi, sweetheart, Bill was never in a closet for this to be news."

"Kid, your brother couldn't get any gayer if he started shitting rainbows, wearing pink heels, and collecting Barbie dolls."

Gordon chuckled again.

"Wait so you _knew_? He _told_ you?"

"He didn't tell us. You should know that some things go unsaid and this is one, you can't be gay if the closet door is made of glass and the inside is all glitter and drag."

"So…you guys knew all this time, but are still OK with it?"

Simone and Gordon stared at each other, and then back at Tom.

"Why wouldn't we? I mean, what's wrong with being gay?"

Gordon interrupted…

"Tom, please don't tell me that's why you beat him…Oh God!"

Tom just sat on a chair and shook his head in disbelieve.

Behind the kitchen wall, Bill was eavesdropping on the conversation. He felt himself crush inside, but feel relief too. The fact that his parents were supportive made him feel somewhat good, but the fact that Tom was trying to win them to his side made Bill sick to his stomach. Is this how their relationship ends then? Backstabbing each other became the thing to do now?

However Bill was a fighter, and if Tom wanted war, then war he shall get. Bill straightened himself up and wiped away the melted eyeliner from his cheeks, and then he entered the kitchen with the pride of a peacock.

"Mom, dad, I'm bringing my boyfriend to dinner tomorrow, I hope you wouldn't mind meeting him."


End file.
